Deadly PJs

Deadly PJs....Commit suicide at your own risk...

3 + 3 =8
Bataaon Kaise?


Bataaon Bataaon!



Nahi Pata?!!




AreGalati se!!!!!!!!!!!
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Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI

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1) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution

= Heart Attack


Matlab


scrolll down


DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!

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What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

think
think
think
think
think

tired of thinking???


Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"

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Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"
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okei don't kill me "Pizza.... Hutna mat"

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ok whats the opp of venky's..





venlocks...
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)

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Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?



Comepalakrishnan.

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What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?


Subramanium Didn't See Me.

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A guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert.
He wants to take a bath, but he hasn't got a soap and there is no water anywhere around...

what can he do?
->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c(constant ofintegration)
Using the lux soap he will take bath in the 'c'.

That was a shot of integartion and derivatives.

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one day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile his call gets crossconnected to some! other lady.
They still keep on talking..they start liking each other..and finally they get married.what MORAL do u get???
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An IDEA can change your wife.

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A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

Guess why?







because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

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ek haathi agar swimming pool mein gir gaya to kaise bahar nikalega???????........
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geela ho ke nikalega...

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ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge ........
sweets nops
sweets nops

think

think

think

are yaar
birla white cement
kyunki iske ander jaan hei.......

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whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a manjumping from 10th floor?.


former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaalater goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)

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Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?

the answer is ..........They Both Are Not a Banana !!

Never make fun of religions

There is an incident about the sardar's and 12 o clock
this is the story that my friend told me "I was standing at dadar station when my attention went towards a Sikh youth standing near me wearing a Black turban having a long beard and wearing a kirpan over his shirt.
After a while, one local train arrived, which was totally packed. The Sikh youth tried to alight the train but failed to do so. Just then a voice was heard from the back coach 'Sardarji Barah Baj gaye' (Sir it's 12 o'clock!)
The Sikh youth looked ! over at that voice maker who was a young mischievous type of person and instead of showing any anger made a smile towards him.The smile made was so enigmatic that it seemed as if some type of truth lies behind it. Not able to resist my temptation, I walked towards him and asked why did he smile at that person who teased him.
The Sikh youth replied, 'He was not teasing me but was asking for my Help'. I was surprised with these words and he told me that there was a big history behind thatwhich one should know. I was eager to know the History and the Sikhyouth narrated:

During 17th Century, when Hindustan was ruled by Mughals, all the Hindu people were humiliated and were treated like animals. Mughals treated the Hindu women as there own property and were forcing all Hindus to accept Islam and even used to kill the people if they were refusing to accept.That time, our ninth Guru, Sri Guru Teg Bahadarji came forward,in response to a request of some Kashmir Pandits to fight against all these cruel activities.Guruji told the Mughal emperor that if he could succeed in converting him to Islam, all the Hindus would accept the same. But, if he failed, he should stop all those activities. The Mughal emperor happily agreed to that but even after lots of torture to Guruji and his fellow members he failed to convert him to Islam and Guruji along with his other four fellow members, were torture! dand sacrificed their lives in Chandni Chowk. Since the Mughals were unable to convert them to Islam they were assassinated. Thus Guruji sacrificed his life for the protection of Hindu religion. Can anybody lay down his life and that too for the protection of another religion? This is the reason he is still remembered as "Hind Ki Chaddar", shield of India . For the sake of whom he had sacrificed his life, none of the them came forward to lift his body, fearing that they would also be assassinated . Seeing this incident our 10th Guruji, Sri Guru Gobind Singhji (Son of Guru Teg Bahadarji) founder of khalsa made a resolution that hewould convert his followers to such human beings who would not be ableto hide themselves and could be easily located in thousands. At the start, the Sikhs were very few in numbers as they were fighting against the Mughal emperors. At that time, Nadir Shah raided Delhi in the year 1739 and looted Hindustan and was carrying lot of Hindustan treasures and nearly 2200 Hindu women along with him. The news spread like afire and was heard by Sardar Jassa Singh who was the Commander of theSikh army at that time. He decided to attack Nadir Shah's Kafila on the same midnight . He did so and rescued all the Hindu women and they were safely sent to their homes. It didn't happen only once but thereafter whenever any Abdaalis or Iranis had attacked and looted Hindustan and were trying to carry the treasures and Hindu women along with them for selling them in Abdal markets, the Sikh army although fewer in numbers but were brave hearted and attacked them at ! midnight ,12O'clock and rescued women. After that time when there occurred a similar incidence, people started to contact the Sikh army for their helpand Sikhs used to attack the raider's at Midnight, 12 O'clock. Nowadays, these "smart people" and some Sikh enemies who are afraid of Sikhs, have spread these words that at12 O'clock, the Sikhs go out of their senses. This historic fact was the reason which made me smile over that person as I thought that his Mother or Sister would be in trouble and wants my help and was reminding me by saying off 'Sardarji Barah Baj Gaye' ." PLEASE dont make fun of RELIGIONS ! asevery religion is as p! ure as urs.

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she will do a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Devi" will come to her dreams & giveher 3 boons(Varadaan). So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs successfully, doing prayer regularly.Now it was a day for "Devi" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts inher mind to ask.And, really a "Devi" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.

Devi: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can askanything you like, but there is one condition.

Girl: Condition!, what is that?

Devi: You have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes.

Devi: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he alsosacrificed same ! ;as you. Moreover, he didnt know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask,he willget 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.

Girl: (After thinking for some time ... ): Yes, I am ready.

Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world..

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Girl: It's OK.
Devi: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.
Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsomeboy in the world.
Girl: It's OK.
Devi: Be as you wish.
Devi: Now the last boon remains.
Girl: O Devi, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Devi: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Devi: Be as you wish.

Think friends,what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world's most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end
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Dear boys, dont worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think!Actually, the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world's richest and the most handsome boy.Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that muchintelligent than what we believe them to be. So dont worry if you think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.

Scars

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes,socks and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.His mother, in the house and looking out the window, saw the two as theygot closer and closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was toolate. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him.From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs.That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was muchstronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck,took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in thehospital, the little boy survived.His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails duginto his flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, withobvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn't let go." You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, notfrom an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's beenthere holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing whatlies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack.That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful. He did not, and will not, ever let yougo.Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so that you canbe a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another persons scars, because you don't know how they got them. Also, it is soooo important thatwe are not selfish to receive the blessings of these messages without forwarding them to someone else.Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and that you love them too: enough to not let them go.

Never mess with children

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or loo king up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, \'There\'s Jennifer, she\'s a lawyer,\' or \'That\'s Michael, He\'s a doctor.\' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there\'s the teacher, She\'s dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. " "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn\'t run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain\'t empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

The Villager and Happy man

In a small village in the valley, there lived a man who was always happy, kind, and well disposed to everyone he met. He always smiled and had a kind and encouraging word to say whenever necessary. Everyone who met him left feeling, better, happier and elated. People knew they could count on him, and regarded him as a great friend.One of the village dwellers was curious to know what his secret was, how could he be always so kind and helpful? How is it that he held no grudge towards anyone and was always happy?Once, upon meeting him in the street he asked him: "Most people are selfish and unsatisfied. They do not smile as often as you do; neither are they as helpful or kind as you are. How do you explain it?""When you make peace with yourself, then you can be in peace with the rest of the world. If you can recognize the spirit in yourself, you can recognize the spirit in everyone, and then you find it natural to be kind and well disposed to all. If your thoughts are under your control you become strong and firm. The outer mask of the personality is like a robot programmed to do certain tasks. Your habits and thoughts are the programs. Be free from these programming and then the inner good that resides in you will be revealed.""But a lot of work is necessary. Good habits have to be developed. The ability to concentrate and to control the thoughts has to be strengthened. The work is difficult and endless. There are many walls that need to be to climbed. It is not an easy task." Lamented the villager. "Do not think about the difficulties, otherwise that what you will see and experience. Just quieten your feelings and thoughts and try to stay in this peace. All the abilities and powers awaken spontaneously. You do not work on them directly. They are by-products of your peace of mind. Just try to be calm and do not let yourself be carried away by your thoughts.""Is that all?" Asked the villager."Try to watch your thoughts and see how they come and go. Stay in the quietness that arises. The moments of peace will be brief at first, but in time they will get longer. This peace is also strength, power, kindness, and love. When you realize that you are one with the Universal Power, you begin to act from a different dimension, not from the selfish, small, limited ego.""I will try to remember your words," said the villager and continued, "there is another thing that I am curious about. You do not seem to be influenced by the environment. You have a kind word to everyone and are helpful. Yet people do not exploit your goodness, and they treat you well.""Goodness and being kind do not necessarily point to weakness. When you are good you can also be strong. People sense your strength and do not impose on you. When you are strong and calm inside, you help people because you can and you want to. You then act from strength and not from weakness. Goodness can also go with power and strength, it is not a sign of weakness as some people erroneously think.""Thank you very much for your advice", said the villager and went away happy and satisfied.